Moving Day

After our first date, Nelly and I were inseparable (which goes without saying, but I like saying it). As devout Catholics during that time, Nelly was of course staying with me at my apartment a few days a week. I was living in Irvine,CA - That's right, I was in the OC, Bitches!

I was actually sharing an apartment with a buddy of mine. Since he's rich, he decided to buy a condo and I was kicked out. Prior to my eviction, I was not only living in the OC, but on the UCI Campus. Living on campus isn't this great party. You don't see a flock of college girls every time you open your eyes. Food isn't reasonably priced for the students. The best Pizza wasn't just across the street. It sucked ;)

Life was pretty simple back in those days. My room had a bed, a desk, and a calendar.

My calendar was a classy, very professional, EAST WEST collection. Think of Asian girls (possibly UCI girls) trying to pay their way through college by posing in designer swimwear for an eclectic collection of visual elegance. Thinking back on it, I believe that this was a gift from Tequila. I think it was to adjust to my new surroundings in Irvine.

My desk was one of those IKEA types. Nothing special about it in the least. It did however, have a drawer. I had lived in that apartment for years (well 2 and that counts). I had no idea what paperwork and nonsense was in that drawer. I simply asked my gorgeous, hot blooded, Salvadorian-Mayan princess to throw it all in box.

That's Right! Being the ever-so-loving-and-trusting BF, I asked my finer-than-frog-hair GF to help me pack while I was at the office. She had the day off and I had to slave away, so I asked for a little assistance.

Being the ever-so-loving GF, she smiled and kissed me goodbye.

I was off to work. A grueling day dealing with technical issues that would make a NASA engineer cringe. I had to do the work of a super-computer; like cracking Russian Military-Grade code for hours on end or trying to get SkyNet up and operational. Once I walked in the door I was property of "The Company" and had to do their bidding. The only relief was that Big Sexy worked with me and his presence soothed my very soul.

After what seemed like 10 hours of having my mind scrubbed with an SOS pad, it was time to go home to my beautiful lady. As I walk in I can sense that something is not quite right (I am very perceptive when it comes to these things). Nelly is clearly upset. We walk into my bedroom and I'm hit with a face full of thunder! Not really, but it smells like a Magic Marker. I figure that she must have labeled my box for me because she loves me so much. She's sooooo good to me :)

We sit on the bed and start to talk.Unbeknownst to me she has found a very old picture. A picture of me. Not only me, but with a friend. Not only with a friend, but not locally. It would be very easy to mistake this as a photo of me and a former gal-pal. The friend shall remain nameless and the location undisclosed as to protect the innocent and myself.

I go right into defense. I've done nothing wrong! This was simply a friend...from a VERY long time ago. I didn't even know that the picture was in there. Had NO idea that a picture even existed. It was all bent up and at the bottom of a drawer! And why didn't you just throw everything in the box, why did you go through it all?

You see....now I'm wiser (older). I can actually HEAR all the ladies reading this. This very minute they are thinking how stupid that was of me...to even question "...why did you go through it all?" Rest assured my female-friends. I have learned from that experience. I have no privacy. No email (including work) is safe. No texts, no phone calls, not even FB posts will go unmonitored.

We talk it out and being all suave (think Moto-Moto) I get things smoothed over and we are again lost in love. Now we are in the love-tree; hanging out in the nest. So naturally Nelly feels like she can say anything to me.

I must say I was not prepared for what happened next, but it set the tone for my marriage.

Nelly leans over all sexy style and says "I did something bad to your calendar." She looks and sounds like Sex-on-a-Plate! How can I be upset with my hot-blooded Salvadorian hotness? So I reach over to my box and notice that it was not labeled, but the Magic Marker smell is stronger than ever. I pickup my very classy calendar. As I open it, I find that EVERY picture has been colored over with the marker - leaving no bodies, but only little smiling faces. Every picture, every month. Including the front and back covers.

This is the day that I knew I had found a very special type of crazy. My friends, I encourage you to look for this craziness in your life. It will only make every minute that more exciting, because you never know when you'll get stabbed for something that you didn't even know about.