How I met my wife: A string of broken hearts

Every so often I'm asked "how did your wife luck out and end up landing you?" I have to admit that this is one of my all time favorite stories. I would like to simply say that the stars aligned, the heavens opened up and I was standing there in a wash of magnificent light and she was drawn to me. That would only be half of the story.

This story actually goes back quite a bit further and requires some background info. I had met a girl from Chino, CA and we began to date off-and-on during my high school years. Things were never really serious and when I graduated (shout out to MHS Class of 93) I was off to see the world! After 4 years in the U.S. Army (stories for another time) I came home to Montclair, CA.

About a month after being home with mom and dad, I got a phone call out of the blue. Why yes, it was that girl from Chino. Since I will get sued if I use real names, we will call her Tequila. Tequila and I began our on-again-off-again relationship. Turned out that Tequila's BESTEST FRIEND EVER was Nelly aka the Future Mrs. Flores.

I'm sure we can all see where this story is going - which only serves to feed my legend. After a few years of Nelly and I making eye's and sexual advances towards each other, I felt it was time to step it up. I asked Nelly on date.

Now this is when things get completely awesome. As any man will tell you; this is the #1 fantasy - I am going to get with my girlfriend's best friend.

Being the suave gentleman that I am, the choice for our fist date was obvious: dancing. Not only would I be able to show case my talents, but I could drink, grind hard, and prosper. What could go wrong?

So we drive up in my lifted Super Sport Dodge Ram, Silver - don't hate. As we got out and were walking up to the line of drunks and skanks at Camacho's, I pulled her into me and we had our first kiss. She was digging me - who wouldn't right? We walk in and I'm feeling good. We go to the bar and ask for a couple of cocktails (love that word). They must have misheard my order because they charged me $14 for 2 drinks. At this I say "WHAT THE!? I DIDN'T ORDER THE BOTTLE!" This may have been a miscalculation on my part. I see that Nelly is not too happy with that response.

I'm losing her fast and in a panic - I'm about to miss out on the #1 fantasy of every man! I down my $10 rum-n-coke (had to tip) and look to the dance floor. NO ONE IS DANCING! This is my perfect moment. I ask Nelly to dance and she looks at me like I have completely lost my mind. She says "There's no one dancing. No one is out there." Looking ridiculously handsome, I stare into her eyes and say "right...everyone will be able to see me..."

I pull my SMOKIN HOT date onto the dance floor and make my way to the center. As the music takes over my body the inevitable happens - the stars aligned, the heavens opened up and I was standing there in a wash of magnificent light and she was drawn to me.

Nelly really never stood a chance. She forgot all about her BFE Tequila and was in love.

This story is 100% the way I remember it.