I am thankful for:
- Serving a forgiving and a loving God
- My smokin hot wife
- Cheech, Baby-girl, and The Boy
- My ridiculously good looks
- My dance battle skills
- My writing skills
- My extremely good taste in clothes
- The internets/interwebs and The Google
- Sugarpop Music
- My friends
- Having a G.O.B. (That's how we say J.O.B. in the ghetto)
- Being recognized as
- Being of sound mind
Point number 13....it kinda hurts...but I have crossed over from Cougar-Bait to Kitten Dreams. This is the year that everything changed. I'm now 35, and of course older women are attracted to me, but I can longer be labeled as "cougar bait." That esteemed title now belongs to much younger men (teenagers) like Isak Adamson and The Fresh Prinze.
Before going any further - Cougars are older ladies that like young dudes; kittens are 20-somethings that like older dudes.
As some of you know, I was running a social experiment that I fiendishly dubbed "Project Fauxhawk." I won't go into the details of said experiment, but I did get some surprising results. Only 2 people ever commented on my hairstyle but so many more were staring. Looking as good as I do, this is a normal day occurrence. The difference was that the kittens were not only staring at me like I was fine ham sandwich, they were no longer pretending not to look when I noticed. They were blatant in their oogling of my goods. I was ready to credit "project fauxhawk" for this change when something surprising happened. As part of corporate restructuring (I got a new G.O.B.) I had to end the experiment and go back to a more "professional" look. I naturally assumed that things would go back as they were - with men cursing me and women undressing me while I was unaware. Things did change...more kittens are making it a point to let me know that I'm hotness.
This usually happens during lunch. If I order a burrito, I get some extra guacamole free of charge. If I get a side of tots, they are magically upgraded and topped with chili and cheese. This last week I ordered a 2-scoop sundae and the girl behind the counter stuffed about a gallon of Mint n' Chip into my little cup.
Being a Kitten Dream is actually better than being Cougar Bait. The older ladies still gawk and make off-hand remarks as I stroll by, and that's awesome, but they are set in their ways and have no need to try to make me happy. The Kittens, by contrast, are still getting themselves established. This means I get free food a lot. The Kittens are also aware that when I'm with my wife or kids that they should not look my way. The cougars take a more "museum" approach and look but don't touch. This, of course, gets Nelly ready to cut someone - meaning me. Is it my fault that the older ladies make it obvious that I'm hot?!
Ultimately, I am thankful that I still look as good as ever and am generally the most attractive man in the room. Sexy isn't easy - but I wouldn't want it any other way.
To all my friends in Cyberspace, I wish you well this Thanksgiving. Eat. Drink.Read. Be Merry!