So I’m sure that you can all understand my befuddlement when I received a mailer from my church. IN SPANISH. WHAT THE CRAP!?! I’ve been at that church for 4 years! Everyone that knows me knows that I don’t speak a word of Spanish. I’m from SoCal! Why the crap would I speak Spanish?!?! I gather that they must have seen my last name and ASSUMED that with a Hispanic surname that I spoke a language other than English. This strikes me as odd on a few levels.
1. I doubt that Justin Beiber gets junk mail in German
2. I don’t think that Christina Ricci ever got a mailer in Italian
3. Ikea doesn’t send me flyers in Swedish
4. Why is it called “Latin America”? They don’t speak latin; they speak Spanish.
5. Shouldn’t it be Spanish America?
6. And the people could be called Spanish
7. And people from Spain could be Spaniards
I guess that list really is only 2 points, but still valid.
I was talking to Mr. Tiny and Big H about profiling a few weeks back. If you remember, they are extremely large black men. We were talking about how the quiet black man is much scarier than the loud angry black man.
With the loud angry black man, you get what you see. No real surprises. They yell and scare the hell out of all non-minorities in the general area. It’s good for a story to tell over drinks or while doing your nails…”and there was this large afro-american man…very very upset…he kept saying he ‘wished’ someone would say something…”
The quiet, calm black man is much more frightening. Let me frame this for you. Mr. Tiny is 6’2 and 260 lbs of bad ass black man. I think he bench presses Ford Explorers and curls VW Bugs for a workout. Let us imagine this large man is upset, yet quiet. This is much more frightening. You imagine that he is plotting your demise…AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT. I would much rather deal with a loud person putting on a show than a large, powerful man that I think is calculating how much force it would take to rip my arms off.
I have another friend – Big Ass Guy (BAG). BAG is actually bigger than Mr. Tiny and Big H. He is like a fusion of the two. Except he’s a white guy. See…you are totally not worried about him! See how the brain does that? BAG’s fingers are the size of bananas, but if he pisses me off, I’m gonna take him down. Large white guys aren’t scary. It’s the lil quiet bastards that are just a lil off that we need to keep an eye on.
What is this post all about??? I was racially profiled so I wanted to make myself feel better. It’s like being a bully. I want to put other people down to make me feel good. Did I succeed? No. Did I give you all something to talk about? Mission Accomplished!
it's a conspiracy! C...O...N...SPIRACY!
ReplyDeleteMessage received, you will now receive mail from your church in German and Italian, thank you
ReplyDeleteI lived in Chicago and loved the cultural diversity that was just as varied, but with a different blend as So Cal. Now I've been in Ohio for 6 years and I would love to see some Latino's!! They are like mythical creatures in these parts. You hear rumors of an establishment where a latino may be working, and people gasp. I think they fear me, the little white mom of 4 who is jonesing so hard for authentic Mexican food that she has irrational thoughts that involve kidnapping and demanding homemade tamales and horchata in return.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is to Tina: I grew up in Ohio and would be curious where you are. You are correct in noticing the scarcity of Latinos. I went to college in Bowling Green near Toledo and there was an entire neighborhood(quite large neighborhood)of Latinos. I'm sure there would be some good Mexican food in the area if you are willing to drive to Perrysburg Heights near Perrysburg, Ohio(about 10 min south of Toledo). That concludes my random thoughts on Ohio. Ray: great reading as always!!
ReplyDeleteHow the EFF do you think I feel? What effin moron decided to send ME a flyer in SPANISH? So someone looked at my first name and thought, "Is Irish a language? No? Well Obeso is Spanish, yet popular in the Philipenes, let's send him some Spanish!" WTF? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...Anything addressed to "X. Obesco" was in English. Would have made more sense if "X. Obesco" would have recieved something in Ebonics!
ReplyDeleteKatrina: I'm in Cincinnati, believe it or not there are a few places that are actually authentic. I miss being able to go to a taqueria for lunch on a whim. A gordita is not going to cut it.
ReplyDelete