Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Captain Obvious


I'm going to tell you something...something others have only guessed at... It's true. I am the World's Greatest Husband.
-FamousRay 2010

As many ladies read my blog and continue to follow my antics on FaceBook, they have pondered "could he be the greatest husband ever?" Yes I am. A few gentlemen (using that term loosely here) have trembled in fear of the question "is he a better husband than I?" Of course I am. The list of my greatness is something that would take volumes of books to explain. I would not want to waste the effort nor gamble with women's lives as they rush to me after reading said books (Nelly keeps her blade close at all times). To illustrate how I am the ultimate prize, a single story will be told. It will echo the awesomeness of me. It will set a new standard for all men. It will put women in awe of Nelly and will serve to grow her own legend (because I'm her trophy). This is the story of me taking Nelly to a concert. Not just any concert....a New Kids On The Block reunion concert.

Nelly has always proclaimed her love for NKOTB and made a declaration to the world that if they ever had a reunion tour she would show up with pride and throw her bra on stage. Everyone knows my stance on NKOTB - I am much more a fan of Backstreet Boys. So being the ever loving husband, I support Nelly in all of her craziness. Like an expert fan (read here "stalker") she found out when her beloved boy-band would be in Dallas. She even figured out how to get tickets before the general public. Awesome as I am, I offer to purchase 2 tickets: 1 for her and 1 for a friend. I'm not sure what happened next, but she decides that she doesn't want to go to the concert. I ask again, and she tells me "no." I figure that life is good and forget all about the New Kids.

Little did I know that life was not good, and I will not be able to forget the New Kids. For the next year Nelly is obsessing about them (Joey was the focus)  and somehow in her mind it is my fault that she didn't see her beloved band live and in living color. Didn't I tell her I would get the tickets? Didn't I offer to get them before general release? Didn't I say she can go with anyone she wanted to take? I believe that my words were "Oh hell no I'm not going to see New Kids....but you can take whoever you want...I'll get the tickets right now, but I aint going." I'm baffled that this is somehow my fault. If she offered to buy me Brittney tickets and to take a friend I would jump at the opportunity (I would bring Zergio with me).

For an entire year, when NKOTB is seen on TV or mentioned in the news or...I would say heard on the radio, but come on....for the next year when they are mentioned Nelly gets agitated and the focus of rage is yours truly. I'm still trying piece together how it's my fault and can't connect the dots. I figure she needs a break so I schedule vacation. Time to chillax!

I decide to spend our vacation in El Salvador also known as Chino, CA. For reasons that I am still unable to explain, I took the family to Chino for 3 weeks. 3 long weeks. Maybe I thought being around family would bring Nelly out of her rage. After being there for 1 day I had realized that I had seriously miscalculated. Time with family seems to warp reality - that single day had aged me at least 1 year. Now Nelly is plotting to cut me in my sleep.

I'm seeing that my plan to make her love me again and forget NKOTB isn't going as planned. This is mainly because the news stations are carrying NKOTB stories. In fact, one of them played a piece of the concert - Nelly was throwing her bra at the TV.

She's agitated. I'm agitated. She's frustrated. I'm frustrated. She's hot. I'm hot. We are stuck in El Salvador. I decide to cruise the Internet and try to escape reality for awhile. I may have been watching dance crew clips - that always calms me down. Whatever it was that I was watching or searching on, God decided to intervene and save my marriage. I somehow find myself at a NKOTB tour date website. Not only that, they are coming to the Great State of Texas. Not only are they coming to the Lone Star State, they are coming to Dallas.

Without hesitation I jump into action! I tell Nelly that her dream is going to come true. She is going to see New Kids...20 rows back from center stage! I'll spare you the details of how she thanked me - if you know what I mean....

Vacation ends and we are finally home; Nelly is counting down the days. 3. 2. 1! IT'S CONCERT DAY!

We show up and I cannot believe my eyes. It is a sea of women. Not girls. Women. The youngest lady there had to be 38 (I mean besides Nelly). The high-pitched cackling is deafening. I have never seen so many middle-aged women all in one place, all at the same time, all dressed like hookers. It was like being at a TWILIGHT Premiere. In the vast estrogen ocean, I can see 3 other men - 2 of which are flaming gay. It was an easy tell with their skinny pants and halter tops.

We make our way to our seats, our awesome seats. We are dead center of the stage and close enough to see it all - to include the 2 flamers that had better seats than us. The women are getting drunk and are antsy for the show to begin. I feel like I am in the Andes Mountains and these cougars are about to pounce! They are drunk, fierce creatures and should not try to be tamed. The production crew must have seen it too, so they jump into action. Before the New Kids take the stage, we get to check out an opening act. I am hoping that this will put the cougars back into a non-threatening state. By pure dumb luck, it turns out that the ABDC Champions, Jabbawockeez, are the opening act.

By the time this  dance crew is done with their performance, the cougars are primed for the show and the flamers have their shirts off. In a flash of light, the world trembles, and NKOTB take the stage. Like an estrogen volcano, the arena erupts. For the next 4 hours, they sing and perform every song they have ever written. At this point of the story, I would LOVE to say how much they suck or how un-entertaining they were or that they sang horribly. The honest truth is that they are very talented. After listening to sugar pop and hip hop these last few years, I forgot that back in the day bands actually had talent. New Kids on the Block can SING! I was not expecting this. Not only could they sing, they had put together a really good show. I am not going to say that I'm a NKOTB fan, but they were awesome to see live.

The highlight of the show was when Joey sang PLEASE DON'T GO GIRL. Nelly LOVES Joey and has the shirt to prove it. For her to be here live and have Joey sing his song to her was amazing. She has no words for how awesome I am to do this. I went to a concert with a million women, 2 guy guys, and I think a few T-Girls. I never complained. I even admitted that it was a good show.

Does this make the World's Greatest Husband? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT DOES!

7 comments:

  1. I am sure the residents have a right to hear both sides of the story. So here is my side. When I found out that my all time favorite band was coming to Dallas, of course I wanted to go duh. So I so lovingly asked my husband if he would go with me. To my shocked he YELLED "HELL NO". Any woman out there would understand how sad and disappointed I was to hear the world's best husband say this. I thought since I SUPPORT him in all his madness of dance competition shows we go to he would go with me.I have a LIVER DISEASE, how much longer do I have to live? Would I ever get the chance see NKOTB again?! Well I didn't go. =( The following year Ray is looking up his favorite dance crew jabbawockeez when he happens to find out that they are on tour with no other then NKOTB. So he begs me to get him tickets. So ever being the so loving and caring wife I say sure. I make his dream come true again! I forgot to mention and so did he, that before I even knew NKOTB were coming to Dallas, I had taken him to see Jabbawockeez before. We had awesome seats right in the front! All I ever wanted from my husband, my best friend, the father of my children was to be next to me while one of my dreams come true. Is this to much to ask for from the world's greatest husband? I think not.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nelly,
    I'm glad you posted your side of the story... So truth be known that he found out Jabbawockeez was gonna be with them so he thinks in his AWESOME mind that he'll take you but you read right through him!! Way to go girl, I'm glad you got to see your boy band! Thats awesome and even more so that your great husband was with you for his own reasons though!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ Nelly - we never heard if you ever got a chance to donate your bra?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is hilarious! And to think that I owe my teenage (but very brief)obsession with NKOTB to you Nelly!I even wrote letters to them once I got to Australia! You were the one that influenced me with all the posters in your room and I remember you telling me that your least favorite one was Danny. Abrazos a todos x Ruby

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dude, i know you have your own login to the NKOTB fan page...don't lie...

    When's Brittney??

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ Dale- YES and my panties! Put all my information on them.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would of loved to see them... @ nelly i would of wanted my hubby my bestfriend to take me.. we do so much for our men.. but in the end u got to go.. that is so great.. Jordan was my favorite.. lol..
    @ Ray ... LMAO ok u can have the title of worlds best husband..thanks to the Jabbawockeez LMAO

    ReplyDelete