Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Pelican State

Really?!?! That's the state nickname for Louisiana?! It should be the "Holy Crap it's HOT State."

Last week I had to tend to some bidness in the LA. I usually do business trips solo, but this time I was able to travel with a buddy of mine, Dusty Gardener. Dusty is a pretty cool guy - he's a Texas native, drives a charcoal gray swagger wagon, and is a bit of chatty-catty. Since our destination was only 4 hours away, we decided to drive as opposed to fly. Dusty and me in a car for 4 hours driving through the state that I believe DELIVERANCE was filmed. Plan seems perfect. So I sit at the house and wait for Dusty to pick me up; he decided to rent a car for trip.

We were supposed to leave around 9AM so I figure that he means 11-12. To my surprise, he shows up at 2PM. After an hour of chit-chat in the house it's time to hit the road! As I grab my gear and head out, I see our rental. For a trip to a college campus in the middle of the bayou, Dusty selected another swagger wagon. It is the same vehicle that he owns but this one is white. Two 30-something men, cruising a regional campus, in a minivan:
The drive was uneventful. Hit some traffic, saw a few gators, nothing really to report. While we drove from Dallas, there was a 3rd co-worker heading out to meet us. We will call him Jack Sherman. Jack is from Austin, TX. His drive was a little longer than ours so we planned on meeting him at the hotel.

We decided to tour the campus when we arrived so that we would know where to go. Nothing like seeing 2 guys in a minivan drive around a college campus at 15 mph taking in the sites. Creepy, I know. We came across a co-ed and asked for the "Engineering Annex" - not that we were lost, just looking for a more direct route. She was very nice and noted that we were right next to it. The building signage said "NUCLEAR ENGINEERING", but we were assured that the university "doesn't have a Nuclear Engineering department or program." I love this place.

After our tour, Dusty and I get checked in and figure we should go and see what Small-town, LA has to offer. We decide to head out and grab some dinner since Jack is hours away. We jump in the minivan and cruise for a steak house. Lucky us, the only one in a 80 mile radius was down the street from our hotel. As we pull up we get our first shot at the locals. I wish that I had my camera on me as I think back on it.

As we are walking in, 2 locals are walking out. As we cross paths, we give the "hey, how's it going?" along with a smile. As the gentlemen smile back it was hard to not notice that something was missing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it....oh yes, I see it now...teeth. Multiple teeth were missing - it was like seeing an old fence that had weathered time and only a few posts remained. And those posts weren't all going the same direction. To quote Dusty, "They maybe had one full set between the both of them."

We ate, drank, and were merry. As we get back to the hotel, we ask the front desk if Jack Sherman has checked in. Since Dusty nor I have ever met Jack, we ask about his demeanor and over all presence. The clerk is friendly and replies with "Oh, he's nice guy. Quiet. Has a pony tail."  The ponytail part is where Dusty and I look at each other in amazement. We both know that Jack is an older fella (in his 50's). So the ponytail thing is a bid odd, but he is from Austin.

The plan is now to meet Jack for breakfast, head out to the university and knock out some work.

The next morning I am up and ready for action. I head down for my free breakfast and to meet the team. I see Dusty is already up and grabbing some grub. As I look over, I see the ponytail and know instantly that this is Jack Sherman. Jack is an older fella, leather skinned, looks like David Carradine and is a hippie. An Austin hippie is much like a Berkeley hippie, except that they wear boots instead of flip-flops. Some small talk ensues and we head out for work. As I walk out of the hotel into the steamy world of LA, my sunglasses actually FOG UP! WHERE THE HELL AM I THAT SUNGLASSES FOG UP WHEN YOU WALK OUTSIDE!?!

We arrive on campus and get to it. After some hours, we meet with the client and all is well so we figure we should take him to lunch with us. We have all been together for some time and people are getting comfortable. We decide on some creole-style food and head to a local spot. I'm not particularly sure what happened next, but I learned something. I'll give it my best to describe:

We all are set to order. Our server comes over and 3 of us drop our order with no issues. Then Jack Sherman gets his turn. He ordered something I had never heard of and describes this food to the server. She politely smiles back and writes it down. Before she can race away from him, he says that he would like a side of "File Gumbo."  She figures that this old timer wants a side of soup with his meal. Apparently we were all wrong. Jack goes into a rant about the difference between "File Gumbo" and "Gumbo File." The worst part about this was that he had to use the most condescending tone I have ever heard. His tone was saying "I know that you're from here and I'm visiting your state, but you obviously have no idea what I'm talking about so I'm going to do you a favor and teach you all about the food that you serve and is prepared here daily." On and on he goes, describing the difference at least 7 times. After our server leaves (to spit in our food), I can't help but resist so I ask him to describe it 1 more time to the table. Dusty is not pleased.

So this is what I learned:
  • Jack can be a real a-hole
  • File Gumbo or Gumbo File is made from sassafras root
  • Sassafras is a real thing!
For YEARS I thought that "sassafras" was only a word or term used to display genuine surprise, disgust, contemplative states, pleasure, displeasure, etc. In short, I thought it was a word/term like "jinkies" or  "Merlin's beard." As you can imagine, this was awesomeness for me. It added to the overall humor of the trip. From that point forward, Dusty and I would have quick exchanges like this:

FamousRay: Jinkies! Sherman's an a-hole!
Dusty: Sassafras Ray! I think you're right!

or

Sassafras! I got it!
Jinkies, that's impressive!

We get back to the campus and continue to work. It was obvious from early on that we are going to have a late night. We figure we should do all we can on this single day trip to save time next trip out. We head back to the hotel, change out of our business casual clothes and into shorts and t-shirts to battle the heat and get ready for the manual labor. Well, that was Dusty's and my plan. Jack shows up in an opal choker, black skin tight T, skinny jeans, and his boots. With his hair down now.

We dump in the the minivan and drive over. The van was creepy enough with just Dusty and me; but the addition of Jack Sherman kicked it up a few notches. Imagine cruising with your dad in the minivan trying to pickup teenage college girls - now you're getting the creepiness that was going on.

We get to work on getting our equipment into a racks. This is all very tedious work and gets to be physically intensive as time goes on. We all dive in with hopes of getting out at a reasonable time. I was hopeful until I saw Jack Sherman begin his work. Somehow he mounted his equipment wrong - EVERY TIME! Sometimes he did the same piece wrong two times in a row. I thought that this was statistically impossible; but I was wrong about sassafras, so what do I know?

We are working now, it's getting late, people are tired, Jack has messed up his stuff too many times to count. He is having a very verbal and intense argument with is brain throughout the night about how to get the gear racked. He is having a pretty rough time. Dusty and I have 4 easy pieces to go, but we have to wait on Jack. Jack get's his last piece in (the easiest piece he had to work with all night) and tells us to go for it. Dusty walks up to the rack and lifts the gear into place. As he gets ready to rack it, looks at the gear and says, "OH FFFF*CK! You have to be f*ken SHITTING me Sherman!!"

By this point Sherman is defeated. Like a 6year old trying to learn multiplication, he literally throws up his arms and says "WHAT! I DON'T GET IT! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!"

Since I'm in a great mood, I stifle a laugh and walk over to Jack and say, "Jinkies Jack! I think you need to flip this and we'll be OK."

The best part of all is that I get to do this again in the very near future. I hope that Dusty gets another minivan. I hope that Jack brings his own File Gumbo.

Merlin's Beard! It's going to be a great time in the bayou ;)

1 comment:

  1. Middle of Winter in Minnesota... Sunglasses... normal Glasses... Car windows... Well You go from inside a house (Or garage) And EVERYTHING fogs up... its something you get use to...

    OR...

    My favorite: When someone who wears glasses opens a dish washer right when its done... Insta-fog!

    ReplyDelete