There's an old saying in Texas...I know it's in California, probably in Texas...that says hurt my feelings once...........shame on....shame on you..............................if you hurt my feelings you can't hurt me again!
For the last 7-10+ years, if someone asked me how Nelly loved me I would have proclaimed her undying affection for yours truly. I would have thrown out examples, a quick story, maybe a homily.
If asked that question, here are some possible answers:
- What I got, boy, is hard to find
- She thinks about it all the time
- She's all strung out, her heart if fried
- She just can't get me off her mind
- I got spark, I-I got spunk, I-I got something all the girls want
- I'm like a candy store and she's a toddler, I got her wanting more, mo, mo, more
- My love, my love, my love, my love, my love
- She wants me to get swept away. Wants me to levitate. She wants me to sing with rapture, dance like a dervish
- I am the chili dog to her tatter tots, simply said...
- I complete her
You may also be wondering what I'm babbling [writing] about. Let me explain. As most of you know, we are going on vacation soon (in fact, the first day of vacation was the day this was posted). We are planning a little get together with some friends back home in SoCal: The Golden Coast. This is going to be awesome time - Nelly will back in her natural element. She's a California girl: daisy dukes, bikini on top, sun kissed skin, fine, fresh, fierce, she got it on lock! So...I'm all pumped up about us all hanging out, chillax'n, maybe a few adult-type beverages. While were doing some shopping for the smaller stuff for the trip, I saw the PERFECT shirt for the get together:
When I saw this shirt I thought "OH SWEET JESUS! THANK YOU LORD GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH THIS SHIRT!" I went on to think "This is the PERFECT shirt to wear when we get together. I'll do some push-ups, some pull-ups, some squat thrusts, maybe some deep-knee-bends (I plan to wear shorts) and throw on this shirt...I'll look like a SEXY BEAST!" It didn't stop there..."When someone asks 'is that Mighty Mouse?' I'll say 'Hell yeah it is! I love Mighty Mouse. He reminds me of me. He's not all shredded like Rambo...Ya know, Rambo II when he was all cut? Not like that. He's big an' stout but doesn't need to show off..and he has big ears'...Nelly is gonna LOVE IT". Then I thought "I bet Nelly says 'That is the PERFECT shirt to wear when we get together. You can do some push-ups, some pull-ups, squat thrusts, maybe some deep-knee-bends (if you plan to wear shorts) and throw on this shirt...You'll look like a SEXY BEAST!"
Very happy with myself and my new found treasure, I race to Nelly. I hold it up and proclaim "I'm gonna wear this when we all get together!"
I did not get the reply that had just played in my head. Instead, I got THE LOOK. Any one that has been married for at least 1 day knows "The Look". Nelly has many "Looks" in her repertoire. This particular look said "OH HELL NO! You are NOT wearing that thing when you meet my friends. You need to look 'nice', not like your 8. And while we're at it, go to the pool and get some sun. I can't be showing you off when you're all yellow."
Since I know this "look" all too well, I say "F me...I won't wear it..You F'ed me." She quickly replies with "I didn't say anything!"
I retort with, "You're face said it all."
I learned a few things in that exchange:
- I am very needy
- I am overly sensitive
- I am a sexy beast
- I should NEVER tell Nelly what her face is saying to me, under ANY circumstances
You see, I really did discover something. Any one that has done a character study knows that the protagonist [Famous Ray in this case] needs a "tragic flaw" to be a hero. Think of Superman...his tragic flaw is kryptonite. If you have studied Greek Mythology, you may be familiar with great hero TESTICLES (pronounced TES-TA-KLEEZ) and his tragic flaw: his weebles. Before this day, I was just an incredibly good looking man. NOW...I am an incredibly good looking man with feelings! I am a hero. My tragic flaw: I get Butt Hurt :(
Butt Hurt is California slang for "Hurt Feelings" or "being in a state of hurt feelings". Here are couple of examples:
- Why you crying!? Cuz your Butt Hurt? Why you crying??!
- I told him that shirt sucked, now he's all Butt Hurt...what a girl....
I know that it's possible that by sharing my tragic flaw, I have just opened up the door to all the cougars and kittens out there to adore me. Before they come out of the wood work, they need to know how I feel about Nelly. Even though she F'ed me and I can't wear my sweet ass shirt, I still love her dearly.
She knows that I'm Butt Hurt. But....if she asked me how I felt about her, I would have to say:
Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothin' on you baby
Nothin' on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey [I would NEVER say 'hey' as to keep myself out of danger]
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cause they got nothin' on you baby
Nothin' on you baby
To my friends back in Cali - we shall see you soon. I won't be in my Sweet Ass Mighty Mouse T...but rest assured, I'll still be looking good. To everyone else in cyberspace - GRIND HARD AND PROSPER!
LMAO!!! Mighty Mouse is the shiznit!! But I'm happy Nelly gave you that "look"!
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt let Frank outta the house wearing that either!
Anyhow, looking forward to the 29th when we all get together!! Have a safe trip out to Cali...
I believe when I got married, I not only got a husband but a child as well.
ReplyDeleteWe all know the looks that our parents gave us when we wanted or did something that they disapproved of.
After giving birth to three kids, I have that look down to a tee. I can't help that my 37 year old husband wants to wear a Mighty Mouse shirt, but the line is crossed when we are meeting people that we haven't seen in over 10 years.
I remember once when the World's Greatest husband a.k.a Ray and I were at the mall, I happen to walk passed Forever 21. Saw some cute things in the window and wanted to go in.
TWBH: says read the sign again.
Me: It says forever 21
TWGH: Don't you think you should look for a store more your age?
Me: Many thoughts run through my head in a matter of 5 seconds. 1. Can't choke him here too many witnesses 2. He is one to talk with dolls, oh I mean action figures on his desk at work 3. Why does Superman wear a leotard with underwear over them?
I don't remember my response to him, but I do remember being BUTT HURT and giving him THE LOOK! =(
So in my eyes TWGH and I are even! I give "THE LOOK" and he tells me "FLAT OUT".
I still shop at Forever 21 and he still wears Baby Gap shirts. I love him for not what he wears but for what he doesn't wear. lol
Now see, this confuses me. My Mother in law bought me a Norrin Radd's Surf Shop shirt last year and the wife says it looks great on me. Most likely because its an American Apparel T made for a 98lb weakling (of which, I am not). Ray, go back to Spencer's Gift's, buy the shirt, and wear it proud.
ReplyDeleteBTW, didn't notice how big your ears actually were until this post.
BTW2, Butt Hurt:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Butt+Hurt
I love your posts but Nelly's comments SLAY ME!! Nelly you are hilarious and need to have your own blog--SERIOUSLY. Like you have the time raising FOUR kids and all, right?
ReplyDeleteMaaannnn... I would of (shout out to Lana) been the FIRST one to give a big ol bear hug to the Man, the Myth, wearing THAT shirt. And don't pretend like you never knew them looks when we were shootin looks like that back n forth all the time! (I.E. "I'm in the zone" o_0 or "So how'd your Date go?" :/ or "Riiight?" 0_0
ReplyDeleteI know oh so well what it's like to be around someone making a statement with a t-shirt; thinking the shirt screams cool and funny. My dear, sweet, loveable, funny and cool husband wears a shirt that says, "living the dream" dream is crossed out and scribbled in is "plan B" I give him "the look" every time he puts it on. So, I totally get her not wanting you to wear it! Silly boy! A mighty mouse t-shirt does not scream "sexy beast!"
ReplyDelete