Monday, October 15, 2012

Can You Believe I'm a Dad?

Some may have seen an awesome video that was put together by my wife for my birthday. It stars my children rockin out like the Jabbawockeez. You should check it out; like me, it's EPIC. After I had laughed at how crazy my wife and kids are, it started to dawn on me...what the hell am I doing to my kids!!??

You all know that you're pretty messed up from how our mom and dad, aunts and uncles, and/or grandparents raised you. Anyone that thinks they are normal, let me give you a little hint: You're all effed up.

If we look at my childhood, we can see some physiological scarring events. A couple of examples: The Cucuy and La Llorona. These two are worse than Freddy and Jason on any day. In fact if Freddy and Jason grew up as Mexicans, they would have been scared shitless and would never have done anything bad. Because any little Mexican boy or girl can tell you...that if you're bad...The Cucuy will come and take you away. And if you mess with paranormal stuff....the Llorona may show up in your room as you sleep.

Those two supernatural beings pretty much effed me up till I was 30 years old - Thanks, Mom.

So, I figured that I would NOT mess up my kids with crazy stories of boogie men and crying ladies. In stead, I spend as much time with them as possible. I know that on the surface this sounds freakin great. I mean, who wouldn't want to spend all of their waking moments with me? I now see that my influence may have gone places that I never intended. And my filter works about half the time I think it does.

I have 3 little ones: My oldest girl, Cheech (age 10); My precious baby girl, Toots (age 7) and the boy, The Boy (age 6). Here are some things that I've heard around the house this last week:
Toots: Move. You're in my seat
Cheech: Well, you got up so I took it
Toots: Suck it. Move it

Me: Cheech, let me have some of your water
Cheech: It's all gone. I drank it all
The Boy: She effed you, Dad

Cheech: Dad, [my friend] didn't vote for me
Toots: That's 'cause she's a hater
The Boy: Yeah Cheech. She's just a hater
Cheech: I know....she's all jacked up
I see that some of my language and attitude has rubbed off on my little angels. I'm not just talking about my casual come-and-go time...I mean our family building time may be taking a detour. You may find this hard to believe, but every morning we pray as a family. We also read from The Bible after dinner (we eat as a family) and have a discussions around what God is teaching us. Here is a snippet of this Thursday night's talk. As a background, we are reading verses from Proverbs:
Cheech: Oh Dad! This kind of ties into that verse we read last week..."lazy hands make for poverty"
Me: That's right Cheech! 
Toots: Yeah Daddy, because you worked hard you are Top Cat and get to go to Hawaii
Me: Very good Toots. Would it be right of me to work hard and honor God then brag about it and flip double-birds then say "haha look where I'm going"? 
All the kids: Noooooooo
That was how I tied together Proverbs 10:4 and 3:34 - you're welcome. Nelly was not happy about the "double birds."

My biggest faux pas may come from what I have told the kids is our "family motto." Here in The Great State of Texas things are a little different. We live in a bubble that it not like the real world. Very low crime rate, highly educated families, well-to-do people, and families of strong faith is all around us. Some of these crazy mofo's have taught their children that they have family mission statements. I always thought that this was weird and funny. Sooooooo...I told the kids that we have one too....


Some of you may not understand why this is funny....others are judging me.... most are probably laughing. The above motto was borrowed from Superman. Actually, it is EXACTLY what he stands I figured it was good enough for my family. 

This started out as a joke. Whenever and whatever the occasion, I would throw that out there:
We stand for Truth, Justice, and the American Way and Not Bullying!
We stand for Truth, Justice, and the American Way and Giving Our Very Best!
We stand for Truth, Justice, and the American Way and Helping Others!
We stand for Truth, Justice, and the American Way and........
Anyone can ask my kids what we stand for and all 3 will give you the Superman motto and add in what they feel is important at the time. 

Don't judge, at least they know that the boogie man won't come take them away if they don't finish all of their dinner.

Cyberspace, spend time with your kids.

You're welcome

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