Sunday, January 29, 2012

Something for the Ladies

Adele is a liar. I have taken offense to some key lyrics in her hit, "Someone Like You." Telling all those ladies that have dedicated that song to me that they will find someone like me is absurd and misleading. I am the original - often imitated but never duplicated. I think a more fitting song is "The One That Got Away."

I know that I am dealing a blow to many of my female readers that are waiting for there opportunity to pounce. 2 things: don't stop trying and I have something that may help.

I can't just say that I'm greatness and I'm sorry that you can't get up on this. Imagine how many readers I would lose. No, ladies, that will not happen. I am here to let you admire me and still give you a chance at a great guy - not the greatest since I'm off the market - but still...a great guy.

Below is my resume. I recommend you have your suitors or anyone stuck in the "friend zone" submit their resume for review. Then....we see how he stacks up against me - a "stare-and-compare".....

Famous S. Ray

World’s Greatest Mate

Accomplished boyfriend of the luckiest of ladies; experienced in watching chick-flicks, snuggling, cuddling, and showering women with gifts. Expert navigator that never gets lost while driving. Can cook intimate meals for two or a buffet for dozens. Can and will wait patiently while my date gets ready for the evening. Insist on opening all doors and always pay for everything. Caregiver extraordinaire – home-made chicken soup with an excellent bedside manner.

Summary of Qualifications

  • Ridiculously good looking with a great sense of humor
  • Nicely put together to include pre-matched seasonable outfits
  • Winningest in-house champion of  Dance Central and Just Dance
  • Regularly watch LMN, OWN, We-TV and occasionally cry
  • Have read and watched all things Twilight and can recite lines

Professional Experience

Best Boyfriend Ever: Post-Graduate/Professional Work
4/2003 – Present
  • Began dating my girlfriend’s best friend; married her in 2004
Best Boyfriend Ever: High School/Military/College
1990 – 2003
  • Subject of the greatest senior high school picture ever taken
  • [all other experience omitted for the safety of this applicant]


Never lie              Text/sext to correct phone number        Never drunk call/text
Know when to listen      Know when to give advice           Amateur mind reader
Keeps secrets               Massage therapist                        Master choreographer

A few things....Yes, my middle initial is "S". Yes, that stands for "Sexy." Yes, I omitted high-lights from my dating history in an effort to save my own life. BUT, this is a great starting point for women to determine what they should be looking for in a mate; it is also a basis for what all men should aspire to be.
Though we all know that many will fall short, we must always keep hope. Hope that a diamond in the rough will present himself. This is your year ladies - make sure your man is up to the task!

Cyberspace (mostly ladies), you're welcome.

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